♥ It's all about me ♥

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Sydney, NSW, Australia
♥ Daughter of Tn Hj IR Ishak Hj Omar & Hjh Fatimah Hj Ab Rasid ♥ 2nd child syndrom alert ♥ Pre-mature Sept baby, 1985 ♥ Strong LIBRA character ♥ Happily married to Capt Amar Ab Aziz 10.11.12 ♥ Proud Ummi to Nur Raudhah Amar ♥ Citizen of MYR ♥ PR of AUS ♥ Loves exploring extraordinary things to gain extraordinary experience di bumi Allah ni ♥ So much in love with eXtreme activities - adrenaline junkie - an Advanced OW Diver, a qualified solo freefaller, bungy, rafting, and the list goes on :) ♥ Independent ♥ Obsessed with travelling due to parents' genetics ♥ Visited 42 countries so far ♥ USA 26 states ✓ Mexico ✓ Europe -15 countries ✓ Australia ✓ New Zealand - Nth & Sth Islands ✓ Asia ✓Asia Pacific ✓ Malaysia - Semenanjung most of the places; islands ✓Sabah ✓ Brunei ✓ Labuan ✓ Middle East, Jordan✓ Arab Saudi (Ramadhan 1995) Jeddah, Madinah, Mecca ✓ Alhamdulillah 2nd Call Ramadhan 2013 + UAE - Dubai & Abu Dhabi✓Umrah 3rd call Jan 2015 Africa✓ Egypt✓ Bali & Makassar✓ South America- 8 countries✓ China (covered 4 cities), HK, Macau✓ Fiji ✓ ♥ Personality: Strong ENTJ! ♥ You may judge me with anything, do I look like I care? Nah ♥ Live Life to the Fullest ♥

Friday, April 10, 2009

My Sweet fond memories of 2003 - 2004 part 2

DECEMBER 2003 - JULY 2004 : bahagia nyer ku rase time ni.. Feb 04 flew to Melbourne. first 2 days spent like almost $60 on mobile phone.. msg2. gayut2 nye pasal.updates bout Aussie. Felt a bit down. and thanks for d support. maklum la uve been to Russia. tmpt lagi la kan.. u gave me courage and strength ! July, blk winter !! giler rindu time ni. i was so smgt knowing that LDR (long distance relationship) wasnt bad at all !!

JULY 2004 : yeay ! went back to msia for winter break..bout 1 month. so happy dpt dating kat msia. wakaak. shopping. then u send me to d airport. dis july first time i met ur sister =) .. and first time juge u met my parents @ d airport... ouh happy 1st anni to us jugak !

*when we were walking together, u were always on d left*

AUGUST 2004 : OK the starting point, when i felt so bad.. 1 august 2b exact. i just feel unease. its like sumthing wrong sumwhere. d first time u didnt message me in 2days.. i already get used to ur norms.. msg at least once a day. call pn at least once a day. nk wat cane. u're so smart of stealing d line to do international calls ! ye le if i called u from aussie pn, u have to bear d cost kan ! it was so weird. very weird.. and then i realised u started to change !! .... d worst month, almost everyday kot every night i cried ! (thanks to zera for being there for me) .

everyday was waiting for u to oL, every day was hoping 4u to msg or call me.. its just so different and difficult.. tho if u r oL. nk tunggu respond stp 30 min. duhh.. really killing me.. dh ler how often la u oL dat time.. no connection kat hostel etc kan !!

SEPTEMBER 2004 : hurmm . my bDay during dis month. i was waiting for ur action. ouh apparently on dat day, zera and I went to tulip farm. .. u wished me on my bday. so u're OK kot dat time.. its making me really really confuse !!!

OCTOBER 2004 : senyap pulak.. in a week only got a message.. suddenly received a msg sounded like this - cant remember all "when they put in a deep sea, below the .... u will always be the first for me to think" .. sumpah tak ingat tp lbh krg la. maksudnye bile u're under the sea. thousands level, ur mind will always think of me.. lbh kurang la.. dat was d ONLY msg i received for October !

this month seems to be OK... maybe because i was only for d first time during my first summer..zera pn blk.. u called me ! i was so freaking happy but still confused !! confused with ur actions ! wats wrong dear.. out of d blu u acted so weird. but sumtimes u acted so nice.. aiyark.

DECEMBER 2004 : this was went i decided to "confront" with u. arghh tak puas ati duh.. ape kes. ape hal.. realised u went back to msia for a while. called u apparently u were BZ online.. fine la kan. u asked me to oL. then ilang mcm tu.. f*** mmg rase pissed of giler !!..
and i still remember these conversations ...

Me : actually . nape ek. ape prob nye ni. tak de angin tak de ribut .seriously u are making me confuse ! ad pape better explain k. nk abis kn pn proper la

A : hmm. ntah la.. tak tau nape.. i need my own time

Me : dh tu tak blh ke ckp kenape.. act la properly. bkn tibe2 je ilang. tup tup dpt msg mcm tu. still rindu still syg

A : i am soo confused. sometimes i think u are too good for me
Me : too good ke i am not good enough for you ?

A : nothing to do with you. its just me.. nk focus on study

bla bla bla.la ape la prob nye ngn study.. during our first year. BOTH of us received AWARD for excellence studies (amik ko.. kerek jap) ... then ape masalahnye. ad gf baru ckp je la k!!. tgk2 x de gak.. time ni if dpn2, rase nk sepak2. tendang2 pn ad.. hu3..

spoken to some of ur mates.. ouh dulu. time tgh happy2.. most of d stories shared dgn frens.. now ur fren blk kena marah for asking bout US.. sian giler !

JANUARY 2005 : from dat point onwards i realised the situation... sedih giler bab.. gantung tak bertali. dats d istilah... sengal sungguh. nk explain pn susah.ape nye laki.. eeee geram2... patu time ni plak . i met a navy guy @ aussie, dak MCKK. wah3.. time ni tibe2 plak out of d blu menjelma..

siap blh ckp and kutuk2.. d navy guy tu poyo, tak yah kawan dia. tak yah dkt ngn dia. siap korek2 info from dak MCKK kenal tak who is he... mmg ler kenal kot. name pn ketua pengawas MCKK once upon a time.. dis time mmg abis2 an try to jage me... and AGAIN making me confused!! aikkk... pening2...

FEBRUARY 2005- JUNE 2005 : things were upside juge.. on off on off.. still no resolution! so i decided to go back to msia for 2 weeks during July.yes. to meet u and confront wit u... shoot ! nothing's happened... freaking sad.. u acted like nothing happened !! .talked to ur mates. dorang pn clueless. some tried to help us out but NO ACTIONS from u.. eeee geram geram... i just cant accept d way u act !

JULY 2005 : we met once and never resolved.. so i took it as FINE. u will owez be like ur own way.. padan laa anak manja. bongsu lak tu.. iskh.. i should knew it from d start... its really hunting me now !.. tho its been awhile. i tried to settle it with my bes effort.. but it just didn't happen...

*d las place we met, GSC + KFC Sunway Pyramid*

March 2008, at last i got a reply from u after sumtimes...

"wa'alaikum salam. 1st of all im so sorry for being like this and again im so sorry to take a long time to explain to u for all of this..trust me,this is not the time that i took to make up the stories or to lie, but this is me that im so hard and diificult to tell u that..i know this is quite strange right?thrs no a concrit reason to say that aite?but trust me , i dunno why is it happen..

i know i would be the one who 100 % must b blammed for all of this and im ready for all of this stuffs coz i noe i cant make it..
i hope u can forgive me for all of this and can be a friend again, forgetting the past and carry on livin our life happily in each own way..

hope ull be enjoy in the moment and im so proud of u for getting the 1st class honours in ur degree and thats enuff to make me smile alone coz u noe, thats ur dream rite :)

so, i guess i had made the things more clearer since this 4 years and i really hope that u will forgive me ... "

ouh, u knew i got 1st class honours. ouh maknanye tak de la totally u abandoned me.. its not that hard. i just need a proper goodbye.. is it hard :( ... yerp. at d very first place. i should not take my commitment for it..
u convinced me on my 18th bDay which i will never forget!

after all this happened, i changed a lot. i changed for a reason that i know u will hate me forever ! dh sbb tak de reason kan. i made up my own reason !..

Yet, i dont know why, after few years, its really hard for me to forgive and forget..
worst isn't it..

i kinda forgive u but at d same time, kinda mad jugak. arghh.. i dont know why...
maybe sbb i DONT KNOW d reason y u acted like dis..

howeva again, good luck 4 ur final studies. plz dont do d same like u did to me k if eva u got a new once !!..

P/S : thanks to ur mom for the nice long white dress. thanks to u for d blue swarovski bracelet from russia, yerp i still have BOTH with me.

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